flashback friday; Fierce Friday & thoughts on Bullying this October

continuation from last post...

At this stage of messiness of my life, that's what it feels like. Like no one but the amazing women that inspire me get me, from old muses like Anacaona to Frida Kahlo, to Oprah, women I have grown up watching, to the fashionistas I follow that share the same passions as me to the poets that make words out of my own misconstrued feelings, to the women in my culture that rise day after day. All I can think about right now is the fuel these women have been igniting in me. Real women too, that one way or another are hustling the best way they know how. Women like Caro, Ada , Alicia , Nayyirah Waheed, Gala, The Quann Sisters, Ami Vega, MP Frias,  ... the list of women who currently inspire me goes on and on and on. And those women you love, close to home; your soulmates, who have grown beside you and will always be there to build you up and don't forget the ones you don't want to end up like, because they deserve better than what they've settled for. Inspiration comes from every where, and at least if right now all I have is that, then I am grateful for it, because it means i'm feeling, i'm working, i'm growing. All around I see these amazing Super Women, these Amazing Beings, encouraging each other, celebrating each other and i love that i'm in the midst of it all. TGHIO aka Thanks God High School Is Over, instead of picking on each other, what's trending is building each other up. Speaking of... Glamour Magazine just posted this greatness "Support other women, your girls are the most loyal people in your life."_Jennifer Lopez     

I was bullied throughout the entire time I was in school, as far back as I can remember. Growing up in a neighborhood full of sassy little Latinas isn't always as fun as it sounds. Girls are so mean when they are growing up, and they are meaner because they hurt your feelings, they trigger those little psychological areas, mind games more than anything. I was made fun of for my over grown body towards the end of elementary school, as I have always been a bit ahead of my time. Later on in middle school being made fun of my large eyes; called fish, apparently with those large eyes came my wobbly head which made me deserve the name "Bobblehead" to later on the movement of my eyes being an issue, lol that followed me on to high school, apparently everyone has an issue with my big eyes, and the way that they roll. Oh well, I love my big black eyes!

 

I don't think I've ever been a bully, even with my strong character. It's just so stupid, so silly, so ignorant, but so serious. And in the future, completely pointless, because instead of making enemies you could've made friends to inspire you. Luckily, the way I was raised, letting bullying affect me was not an option. I remember my father telling my brother "If you come home hit, i'm going to hit you! You have to defend yourself!" I can't say I completely agree with the way my parents, or better yet my culture puts it, but I definitely agree in defending yourself. Defend yourself the best way you know how; whether that means seeking out help, talking to a friend, or simply ignoring them; fearlessly and head on, as I did. Remember, that person, someway somehow thinks you are that important that they are giving you their time and attention. So Smile, Dress to Kill and keep it moving. One thing that always helps, is kill them with Success! When I see my bullies now that i'm older, I can't help but Smile at them, genuinely, and thinking You Made Me Stronger, Thank You!

Oh and DON'T BE A BULLY! Is it worth it?

 

flashbackfriday: Frida A To'a

"Passion is the bridge that takes you from pain to change"_Frida Kahlo

Back in June, I  attended the Frida Kahlo - Art, Garden, Life Exhibit at the Botanical Garden and wanted to recreate Her Look and Feel my way.

Since Halloween is right around the corner, here goes the look!

Excuse the poor quality of the pics, this was not an actual shoot, just loved how the look for that opening event came out FRIDA KAHLO through me. All unedited raw iphone Selfies.
Enjoy the Quotes!

 "Be fearless."

"Voy a darte besos en la cara hasta que tu sonrisa reviente"

 "You did not understand what I am. I am love. I am pleasure. I am essence. I am an idiot. I am an alcoholic. I am tenacious. I am a painter. I simply I am... And you are a shit."

"Te escribo para decirte que te libero de mi, vamos, te "amputo" de mi, se feliz y no me busque jamas" 

 "Quiero vivir y seer fuerte para amarte con toda la ternura que tu mereces, para entregarte todo lo bueno que haya en mi, y que sientas que no estas solo"

 "Donde no puedas Amar no te demores"

" Te quiero...gracias porque vives, porque ayer me dejaste tocar tu luz mas intima y porque me dijiste con tu voz y tus ojos lo que yo esperaba toda mi vida"

"Si actuas como si supieras lo que estas haciendo, puedes hacer lo que quieras"

 "Ni tu eres para tanto, Ni yo para tan poco"

 "I want to be inside your darkest everything"

"Leaving is not enough. You must stay gone. Train your heart like a dog. Change the locks even on the house he's never visited. You lucky, lucky girl. You have an apartment just your size. A bathtub full of tea. A heart the size of Arizona, but not nearly so arid. Don't wish away your cracked past, your crooked toes, your problem are papier mache puppets you made or brought because the vendor at the market was so compelling, you just had to have them. You had to have him. And you did. And now you pull down the bridge between your houses, you make him call before he visits, you take a lover for granted, you take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic. Make the first bottle that you consume in this place a Relic. Place it on whatever altar you fashion with a knife and five cranberries. Don't lose too much weight. Stupid girls are always trying to disappear as revenge. And you are not stupid. You loved a man with more hands than a parade of beggars, and here you stand. Heart like a four posted. Heart like a canvas. Heart leaking something so strong they can smell it in the street."

 "Te Amo. Mas que a mi propia piel."

 "Only one mountain can know the core of another mountain."

"I wish I could do whatever I liked behind the curtain of ‘madness’. Then: I’d arrange flowers, all day long, I’d paint; pain, love and tenderness, I would laugh as much as I feel like at the stupidity of others, and they would all say: Poor thing, she’s crazy! (Above all I would laugh at my own stupidity.) I would build my world which while I lived, would be in agreement with all the worlds. The day, or the hour, or the minute that I lived would be mine and everyone else’s – my madness would not be an escape from ‘reality’."

 "Mereces un Amor que te Quiera Despeinada, con todo y las razones que te levantan de prisa, con todo y los demonios que no te dejan dormir. Mereces un amor que te haga sentir segura, que pueda comerse el mundo si camina de tu mano, que sienta que sus brazos van perfectos con su piel. Mereces un Amor que quiera Bailar contigo, que visite el Paraiso cada vez que mira tus ojos, y que no se aburre nunca de leer tus expresiones. Mereces un Amor que te escuche cuando cantas, que te apoye en tus ridículos, que respete que eres libre, que te acompañe en tu vuelo, que no le asuste caer. Mereces un Amor que se lleve las mentiras, que te traiga la ilusión, el cafe y la poesía."

" El Arte mas Poderoso de la vida, es hacer del Dolor un Talisman que cura"

I can't wait to see all the creativity!

tbt: Visitando a Tulum, Paraiso de Mexico, Frida Inspiration Galore

     "Cada (tic-tac) es un segundo de la vida que pasa, huye, y no se  repite. Y hay en ella tanta intensidad, tanto interes, que el    problemaes solo saberla vivir. Que cada uno lo resuelva como pueda."

 All Quotes by Frida Kahlo

"Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul" 

"...aprendere historias para contarte, inventare nuevas palabras para decirte en todas que te quiero como a nadie."

"Don't build a wall around your own suffering or it may devour you from the inside"

"Nothing is worth more than Laughter... It is strength to laugh and abandon oneself, to be light. Tragedy is the most ridiculous thing" 

"Nada hay absoluto, Todo se cambia, Todo se mueve, Todo revoluciona, Todo Vuela Y Se Va"

"And you, how long will you listen to these colours before you hear the language of light?" 

 

"Arbol de la Esperanza mantente firme"

       "I am my own muse, I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to know better." 

   "No dejes que le de sed al arbol que tanto te ama, que te atesoro tu semilla, que cristalizo tu vida a las seis de la manana. No dejes que le de sed al arbol del que eres sol."     

                                         

"At the end of the day, We can endure much more than we think"

"De nada sirve que la imaginación tenga alas, si el corazón es una jaula"

"No reniego de mi naturaleza, no reniego de mis elecciones, de todos modos he sido una afortunada. Muchas veces en el dolor se encuentran los placeres mas profundos, las verdades mas complejas, la felicidad mas certera. Tan absurdo y fugaz es nuestro paso por el mundo, que solo me deja tranquila el saber que eh sido autentica, que eh logrado ser lo mas parecido a mi misma que eh podido."

"Se pueden inventar verbos? Quiero decirte uno: YO TE CIELO, Asi mis alas se extienden enormes para amarte sin medida"

    

"To feel the anguish of waiting for the next moment and of taking part in the complex current (of affairs) not knowing that we are headed toward ourselves, through millions of stone beings – of bird beings – of star beings – of microbe beings – of fountain beings toward ourselves."

"Take a Lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic"

" I am that clumsy human, always loving, loving, loving. And loving. And never leaving."

"Hay algunos que nacen con estrella y otros estrellados, y aunque tu no lo quieras creer, yo soy de las estrelladisimas"

Today I am inspired to post pictures of my last Birthday exactly 4 months ago.

 Because the last two and a half years have been literally like building a brick building for me, layering mirrored bricks after brick for some type of foundation and everything simply tumbling down right over me. In these bricks, I see my reflection in the broken batter of what that construction was. I see myself in moments, with every layer of brick I see my life, and when you keep rebuilding layers and they are just crumbling in your hands, turning to dust with time, you get lost in there too.

Recently more than ever I've been facing my biggest fear in the face day in and day out. And now I understand exactly why as we get older we start freaking out about age and time.

My biggest fear is failure.

Failing myself above all, and when I say failing myself it means not being at the pedestal I ideally put myself on, the concept of where I should be at this very moment, but even that is wrong, oh so wrong of me. Why? Because if you are the type of human we ideally all want to be; it requires discomfort, movement, elevation, growing, until there is no more growing left, and when is that? Near death, or for as long as we can detain ourselves. We will always want more, we will reach something, any goal, and once we've conquered it, we will want more. There is never an ideal pedestal, there are just steps to getting there, my problem is when I can't see the staircase I want to fly my way there, no patience where I can't see the shadow of my smile swept across that moment or memory.

There was madness right before heading to Mexico, there was madness right after; Yayy Happy Birthday Juliette! LOL, BUT there will always always be madness, craziness, unexpected occurrences to shake us up, and if we are lucky, we will have our girls holding us up. I believe I am very lucky with the blessings of stars that fill my heart. I was able to take this trip with my Bestfriend Tai, an open minded power woman who is addicted to traveling and being independent! Her presence simply gave me strength and enthusiasm.  We stayed in the most romantic ocean view room ever, in quiet Tulum; Grand Oasis Tulum was great with amazing staff and customer service! I was in Mexico exactly a week after the opening of the Frida Exhibit in the Botanical Gardens so of course I was completely inspired, and who better to inspire me than none other than Frida herself at this stage of messiness of my life. Currently no one but the amazing women that inspire me can resonate all I feel. And all these women have one thing in common; just like Frida, they remind me and teach me that what makes us so beautiful, so special, so strong, is the unique authenticity of our problems, and how we deal with them, and that only through them can we actually grow to be our greatest selves. That without struggle there is no beauty, no appreciation, no value.

So fuck those bricks, the concept of that foundation that is just an illusion, an attachment to security or even an excuse, I am strong enough to build and conquer whatever this immense heart beats for. Just like the women I wholeheartedly admire that are the ones keeping me up right now!

Post to be continued...